A guide to understanding bisexuality

If you identify as bisexual, you may have faced some of the challenges that come with that. Bi erasure, not feeling gay or straight enough, and a general lack of understanding can all leave you feeling down. In fact, the bisexual community faces higher rates of anxiety and depression than the straight, gay and lesbian communities.

This guide offers some tips for handling these challenges. We’ve also included some info to help you break down some of the common myths about bisexuality.

What is bisexuality?

The Bisexual Resource Centre defines bisexuality as ‘people who experience physical, emotional, sexual, and romantic attraction to people of more than one gender’. The term has become an umbrella for a few different orientations, including pansexual, omnisexual and sexually fluid. Identifying as bisexual doesn’t mean you have to have sexual or romantic experiences with multiple genders – just being attracted is enough.

If you’re not sure if you are bisexual, we have some tips for figuring out your sexuality.

Common myths about bisexuality

The bisexual community faces a lot of misunderstanding – from the straight and queer communities equally. Because of this, there are a few myths about what it really means to be bisexual. So, let’s debunk them once and for all.

Bisexuality isn’t ‘just a phase’

While your sexual identity may change over the course of your life, nothing is ever ‘just a phase’. Labelling it that way makes it seem like it’s not real and takes away from your experience. Sexual identities aren’t fixed, and changing who you’re attracted to doesn’t erase who you were before.

Bisexual people aren’t just indecisive

Identifying as bisexual doesn’t mean you can’t decide whether you’re gay, lesbian or straight. You wouldn’t accuse someone who likes both ice cream and pizza of being indecisive, so why should it be any different for sexuality?

Bisexuality isn’t easier than being gay or lesbian

The challenges the bisexual community faces are unique. But while they’re different from the challenges faced by other parts of the queer community, they’re no better or worse.

Bisexual people don’t become straight or homosexual when they’re in a relationship

If you identify as bisexual and you're dating someone of the same gender, that doesn't make you gay or lesbian. The same goes for being in a relationship with someone of a different gender: it doesn't make you straight. You're bisexual either way.

Want to know more?

Just Ask ReachOut, our AI tool that gives you reliable, anonymous answers to your questions, generated from ReachOut articles and resources.

Ask ReachOut

Why do these myths about being bi exist?

A lot of these myths come from misunderstandings or from trying to fit people into neat boxes. As with most things in life, bisexuality is much more complex than that. It’s important to understand that identity and sexuality are fluid and can change at any time, so don’t feel the need to define yourself and make it permanent.

What is bi erasure?

Bi erasure is the incorrect belief that bisexuality isn’t a real thing. A lot of people, from both the straight and LGBTQIA+ communities, can get caught up in the myths we’ve debunked above. Bisexual people can sometimes feel that when they’re in a relationship, their attraction to other genders is questioned or ignored.

What is biphobia?

Biphobia refers to discrimination against anyone who is bisexual. Even though they represent the largest group within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, bisexual people experience high rates of discrimination by both the straight and queer communities. This discrimination could be obvious, in the form of biphobic comments, or it may be less obvious, such as feeling like you’re being left out of communities because of your partner’s gender.

What to do when experiencing biphobia or bi erasure?

Feeling like you don’t belong, that you’re not accepted or understood, or that you’re being treated differently because of your bisexuality is common, but that doesn’t make it okay.

If you’ve had biphobic experiences like this and want to know how to handle them proactively, here are some tips:

• Take time out from the situation or person who’s made you feel this way. You don’t have to deal with poor treatment or discrimination, so feel free to remove yourself from any situation that makes you feel bad.

• Engage with people who understand and support you. Whether it’s family and friends or members of the LGBTQIA+ community online, there are people who have your back. Let them celebrate what makes you, you. 

• While it’s not your responsibility to educate the people around you, having a respectful conversation with someone who’s upset you might help. Explain why what they’ve said or done is hurtful. Taking steps to clear up any confusion or misunderstanding may help improve that person’s behaviour towards you and also make you feel more understood.

Support options for members of the bisexual community

If you identify as bisexual, there are people and organisations out there to help you.

• The Bisexual Resource Centre has been supporting the bisexual community since the 1980s. Their website is full of information to help you explore your sexuality, tips for how to talk about it with friends and family, and ways to connect with other parts of the LGBTQIA+ world.

• QLife is an Australian organisation working with all parts of the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. They’ve got an online forum to help you connect with other bisexual young people, and resources to support you while you explore your sexual identity.

• Twenty10, an organisation supporting the LGBTQIA+ community in NSW, has great resources, including how to talk to friends and family about your sexuality.

• Our article on understanding your sexuality has some tips on how to talk to a trusted person to get support.

Be part of the bi family

The LGBTQIA+ community is a supportive place to be a part of – and that includes as a bisexual person. Joining online support groups, taking part in forums, or even heading to an in-person meet-up is a great way to feel connected and supported.

However you choose to identify, and however you share it with the world, remember that you’re not alone. Keep exploring your sexual identity and the LGBTQIA+ community, and sharing your experiences with the people you love.